I’ve no doubt my heart will heal
beat then skip and love again
the shame of it all will relent
my spirit, slightly tamer, will
surrender caution to the wind
However deeply dug the trench

Just as one wound starts to seal
Another tries to saunter in
In time enough that I forget
The markers of a shaky wheel
I’ll take no heed and bare my skin
And trust & lust enough to let

And bury risk beneath the appeal
Of a love that might be worth a spin
For every journey’s end begets
Am I a survivor of the ordeal
Or a fool for what the wind blew in
On the bound to more regret

I hope your days are blessed
with beauty, bounty and belief
And everything that you hold dear
brings solace to your grief
I hope you find just enough joy
in every place you seek
Find faith in strength and clarity –
a friend in destiny

I wish for you the brightest days
and even brighter nights
May any battle’s gotten gains
be worthy of the fight
Wish you health and wealth and wisdom
in all your coming years
And any goal you set yourself
out-might your hidden fears

But, just a little nugget of advice
before you go
And take with you whatever
happiness I thought we’d know
Make no mistake – I’m not gon’ trip –
but listen carefully
I very highly suggest you not
say shit else to me

The bitch you thought I might have been
can’t hold a wet match to
The wrath that’s waiting for
whatever foolishness in queue
The bigger man you think you are
to turn on me today
Better have a backup plan,
or reinforcements on the way

Somehow
I was under the impression
that if I came up with all this clever shit to say
on somebody’s stage somewhere
You’d suddenly wake up from your deep-seated denial
And realize what you been missin’

Like
You’d sense my sensibility and come runnin’

Like
You don’t mean it when you say
“the wireless caller you are trying to reach
has a voice mail box that has not been set up…”
…you don’t mean that…

Like
If I say it clearly enough
With enough emphasis
If I enunciate in front of enough people who are not you
Eventually my words would start to glow in the moonlight
And you’d manifest
No longer able to resist the pull
Of my awesomeness

But — recently
With all this free time I have
I’ve been reading through all the fantastic sap
I’ve bestowed upon you over the years
As diligently as prayers
And it occurred to me
I needed to pump the breaks
Pulled back
Took the next left
And parked it at epiphany

Got out and looked back that what carried me to this pitiful place
My jolly rancher green jalopy – runnin’ on fumes
My sweet chariot to a place called clarity
Where I’ve taken up residence
Until I can find a ride back to good

But nothing in this life is free
And rent is due tonight
And these are the last of my words I can afford to give you
So listen carefully

I
Am not a fool
I get it
because
I
Am an appropriately educated
Level headed
Resourceful
Sane-ish
Beautiful young woman
I’m good at what I do
I enjoy it
And if left to my own devices
Dammit I’m happy
I can be flighty
Moody
And quite silly at times
But I am not a fool

Oh I get it…
I just don’t want it